Grief constantly changes and presents new and unexpected emotions on meaningful days. The holiday season, birthdays, anniversaries, Mother’s or Father’s Day, and summer traditions all can feel heavy and overwhelming. When these memorable dates happen, you may be reminded that the person you are grieving isn’t there to enjoy them with you. This can be isolating and frustrating to experience at any stage of your grief journey. Here are some ways you can approach meaningful days to honor your loved one while still allowing yourself grace to do what feels natural and best for you.
Gather with loved ones
Grief can be isolating, but you don’t have to face important days alone. Invite family and friends over for a meal or for an activity that gets you out of your daily routine. Simple activities like fishing, playing card games, or doing a craft can help prompt smiles and create new memories to associate with the day. Let yourself feel the emotions that the day brings and lean on your support system; they want to be able to cheer you up and sit with you when it’s hard.
Visit a place they loved
What was their “happy place”? Maybe it was a hiking trail, a specific restaurant, or a movie theater. Whatever the location, your gut reaction may be to avoid this place because you’re worried it would be too painful to go without them. But visiting these places on important days throughout the year can also bring back all the wonderful memories you have there and make you feel closer to your loved one.
Spend time outside
Going for a short walk, even for 10 minutes, to get fresh air in your system can give your mind and body exactly what it needs. Spending time outside can look like a walk around your neighborhood, just sitting and being still, or a new hobby like gardening. Planting a tree or flower in memory of your loved one could be another way to honor them.
Embrace their favorite things
This is especially great advice for days like their birthday or holidays that held special meaning to them. Did they have a favorite meal? Was their house all decked out for Christmas each year? You can reconnect with them by listening to songs, watching movies, and eating food they loved. By embracing the things they loved and the traditions they cherished, you can find the joy you once shared with them on these meaningful days.
Write them a letter.
Writing a letter to your loved one allows you to reflect on your emotions and even share the typical things you’d normally share with them that day. You can use this letter like a journal to explore your grief or keep it light and fun. Invite loved ones to write their own letters. And if writing isn’t your strong suit, create something with your hands, like a painting that reflects them, a collage of pictures and quotes, or build a birdhouse.
Visit their resting place.
This seems obvious, but going to their burial place or the site where their ashes were scattered is a way to pay tribute and feel close to them on important days. You can do this alone or with others and bring a memento, gifts, or other items that help you feel connected to them. This can look like bringing them roses on your anniversary, a wrapped gift on their birthday, or even your world-famous cookies on Thanksgiving.
Show yourself compassion
Grief is exhausting. Even simple things like brushing your teeth or getting groceries can feel hard to do after a loss. Special days will hit everyone differently, and you should do what’s best for you. For some people, that means not changing their day-to-day routine. For others, that means taking some time alone to be with their thoughts. While it would be amazing to engage in at least one thing on this list, sometimes it’s just not possible – and that’s perfectly ok. There is no true rulebook when it comes to grief. Some people like to visit and decorate graves, some throw parties, and for others, just a simple act of remembrance is all they need. While it may seem easier to skip the day altogether, we hope this list will help you to celebrate meaningful days while grieving.
