Talking about your funeral wishes can feel difficult. Many families put off the topic because they don’t know how to begin, or because it feels uncomfortable to think about a time when you may no longer be able to make decisions for yourself.
Having these discussions ahead of time can help bring clarity to difficult moments, making it a little easier for everyone. Sharing your wishes helps your family understand what matters to you and feel more confident making decisions if the time comes.
In this guide, we’ll cover:
- The importance of having the conversation early and how to start it
- Guiding thoughts for sharing what matters most
- Documenting your wishes
- Reminders and encouragements for end-of-life conversations
Start the Conversation When There Is No Crisis
You don’t need to wait until someone is seriously ill to talk about end-of-life wishes. In fact, having the conversation while everyone is healthy and there is no immediate decision can make it easier. It gives family members time to talk through their wishes, ask questions, and make thoughtful decisions without the added stress and emotion of a difficult situation.
Sometimes, finding the right words at the right time is the biggest barrier to meaningful conversations. Here are a few phrases to help you begin the conversation:
- I know this can be a difficult topic, but I want you to know what I hope for when the time comes.
- Let’s share what matters most to us.
- If something unexpected happens, I want you to know where everything is and what I would want.
- Let’s connect with a funeral professional to start planning ahead
- I want to make things easier for you and our family by planning ahead.
The first conversation doesn’t need to cover everything. Starting with a few important thoughts can open the door to more conversations later.
Talk About What Matters Most to You
End-of-life planning is a chance to talk about your values and how you want your family to remember and honor you.
Here are some guiding discussion questions to consider:
- Would you prefer burial or cremation?
- Do you have a preference for where you’d like to hold your funeral or memorial service?
- Would you want a traditional funeral service, a more informal gathering, or something else?
- Are there readings, music, prayers, traditions, or other elements you would like included in your service?
- Who would you want involved in your service or to speak about your life?
- Are there specific people, places, hobbies, accomplishments, or memories you would want your family to include in your obituary or service?
You don’t have to answer every question at once. The goal is to start the conversation and help your family better understand what matters to you. For a more comprehensive list of things to consider talking about, visit our recent blog on pre-planning.
Put Your Wishes in Writing
Talking about your wishes is a great start, but putting them in writing can give your family clear documentation to reference when they need it most. It can prevent confusion and stress for loved ones, as they navigate planning and grief.
If you make arrangements in advance with a funeral home, let your family know about those plans and where they can find the information. Keeping important information, like passwords, accounts, and end-of-life wishes, organized minimizes the burden on loved ones. It’s also a good idea to review your plans periodically and update them if your wishes change.
Allow Your Family to Ask Questions
Your family members may have questions about why you made certain choices or what you would want in a situation you haven’t considered. Your end-of-life conversation should be less of a list of instructions and more of a conversation. Give your loved ones space to share their thoughts and concerns, too.
It’s also okay to say, “I’m not sure.” Not every decision can be anticipated. What matters is giving your loved ones enough information to understand your values and help guide decisions when the answers aren’t clear.
Revisit the Conversation Over Time
End-of-life wishes can change. Your health, family circumstances, relationships, or priorities may be different years from now. Make it a conversation you can return to, not something you discuss once and never revisit.
Prioritize simple check-ins with your family to review any documents you have completed and update them when your wishes change. Let the people you trust know about significant changes and where they can find the most current information.
These Conversations Are an Act of Care
Talking about death and end-of-life decisions may never feel completely comfortable, but avoiding the conversation can leave loved ones guessing during an already difficult time. Sharing your wishes now can give your family peace of mind later, knowing what mattered to you and how you hoped those wishes would be honored.
At Gerst Funeral Homes, we understand that end-of-life planning can bring up many questions. Whether you are beginning to think about your own wishes or helping a loved one make plans, our team is here to provide information and guidance through the process.
If you have questions about pre-planning or funeral arrangements, contact Gerst Funeral Homes to talk with a member of our team.